Dangerous Information About Women

I got some chicken scratch on five pieces of paper that is burning a hole in my pocket.  It's dangerous, valuable information that came as a result of me getting in a fight with two women.  I had to ask really tough questions and be misunderstood and have misunderstanding.  I felt like Indiana Jones lifting off the golden monkey head only to see the temple start to shake. It was like going into a cavernous tunnel with snakes and spiders all around me, and almost getting stuck before God rescued me and delivered me back into the glorious sunlight. I asked the question with intensity, "what do women really want?"  You see, I've come to realize women struggle differently then men.  I would like someone to ask me what do men truly want without having to Jesus juke the answer.  So I gave them a chance to answer without Jesus juking.  Just straight up.  Here's what I found.

There are three big areas that I tried to split the information into, they are as follows:

1. Start Loving Me The Way I'm Wired Man
So before we can apply the top two answers I found, we need to be able to somewhat narrow down our lady's love language.  The following is an overview of the love languages taken from Gary Chapman and his book The 5 Love Languages.

• Words of Affirmation

  Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important—hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten.

• Quality Time

  In the vernacular of Quality Time, nothing says, “I love you,” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there—with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby—makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful.

• Receiving Gifts

  Don’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous—so would the absence of everyday gestures.

• Acts of Service

  Can vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “Acts of Service” person will speak volumes. The words he or she most want to hear: “Let me do that for you.” Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don’t matter.

• Physical Touch

  This language isn’t all about the bedroom. A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face—they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive.
  
  Ok now that you might have discerned their love language, try applying it to these other two honest answers.

2. I Want Freedom To Be Creative And Pursue An Activity Without Kids And Not Feel Guilty.
Wifey gets a couple hours to herself, she comes home and husband sighs once and that's all it takes. Boom those two hours are meaningless to her, and you just scored negative points.  Husband's kill that sigh, it's going to rob you of everything you just worked so tremendously hard for.  Scripture declares "He who loves his wife loves himself" (Eph.5:28). I think God is really trying to give us a hint in that verse.  We leave a mess for them to clean up after watching the kids, and then expect special treatment for watching the kids.  They pray God would change our hearts in this area, and then they're bitter because of how long it took for us to figure this out and then on top of it all we want praise.  Apparently this is a big turn off they are afraid to talk about.  This is hard for the ladies to not feel resentment over this issue. 

3. Intentional Realistic Pursuit From Your Husband.
Turns out women want to be romanced.  They want to feel special no matter how ordinary they feel.  Thus the successful shiny vampire books that are like emotional porn for women.  God's answer to the problem of it "not good to be alone" was marriage.  Most marriages are either back to back, side to side, or face to face.  If your marriage is only held together by side to side (ministry, taking care of the kids, cleaning house etc) your marriage will really struggle and end up being back to back.  Healthy marriages require face to face time. Which means quantity time.  Your spouse should be your source of emotional enjoyment.  Many marriages get derailed because of emotional adultery. There is no such thing as jumping into quality time.  If you try and do a date night without first having a sync up time (go over calendars so you don't overbook, what are we doing for Thanksgiving type stuff etc)  your date nights will end up being sync up times.  Having face to face time takes some forethought.  Should we go on a date in the city or country, find a sitter ahead of time on facebook and not craigslist, help pick the house up, vocalize a willingness to help with the home and kids to make this happen.  It takes intentionality and premeditated thought to define and create a good date.

So that is what I discovered.  I know there will be far more to uncover as time goes on.  Treasure and guard your marriage because it has tremendous potential and reward.   Tend your own garden.

 I must carefully add here: I am just learning this and not very good at it either fellas, but I'm working towards this direction and I know it's a good path.  Hard work is rewarding in every area especially our marriages.

Also to the women: perhaps your man runs to bottomfeed on the things of the world because you don't understand his needs either.

Even so men: you are called to lead in rebuilding your marriage.

Ecclesiastes 9:9 states, "Enjoy life with the wife whom you love, all the days of your short life that he has given you under the sun, because that is your portion in life and in your toil at which you toil under the sun." 

Life is a vapor and it's short, let's create a culture at West Valley where our marriages shine brightly the gospel of Jesus Christ and experience tremendous joy!  Let the men rise up and lead the way.