My Precious
I like to figure things out. I am not sure I have ever successfully done so, but I am splendid at pretending. In fact I don’t think I have ever fully understood my circumstances with a perfect clarity. I find myself praying “Lord give me clarity” and “give me wisdom”. Really, what I am saying is, “Lord, show me how to be arrogant and independent from you”. There have been times when I thought I knew what was best, when in turn it wasn’t best at all. The Lord turns it for best, but one of the ways he turns it for best is by teaching us not to trust ourselves anymore. No wonder the proverbs are full of advice to seek the council of trusted others. Every year that goes by I learn to trust myself less and less.
Proverbs 3:5-8 declares, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. Be not wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord, and turn away from evil. It will be healing to your flesh and refreshment to your bones.”
Yesterday, as I was pondering this verse, I got up to get some coffee and came back to find my mechanical pencil was missing. I immediately knew with all certainty that my son Chase who is three had stolen it. I yelled, “Chase give me my pencil back” thinking to myself “of course Chase couldn’t resist a red mechanical pencil.” Then I felt the pencil poke me in my right pocket. Just another reminder.
I am also learning that the best journeys end up answering questions that in the beginning I never thought of asking. It’s always been this way. God wants our hearts not our clarity, and his heart is what we really want, but we think we want our precious clarity like Gollum in Lord of the Rings wanted his precious ring. We don’t easily learn from the lessons of history and that is the most important lesson of history, especially our own. I can trust the Lord in my circumstances though I don’t have any answers in the midst of them, and I can trust the Lord if he doesn’t ever show me why. He proved his goodness on the cross at Golgatha. If he would go to execution in my stead, then I can trust he loves me in health or sickness, wealth or poverty. Praise God for this journey and adventure.
